Metal Gear Solid: The Play!

Prologue        Act I        Act II        Act III        Act IV

PROLOGUE: Metal Gear 1 & 2

Metal Gear 1: Snake, alone and armed only with a pack of cigarettes, infiltrates a military base. He punches some guards, rides in the back of some trucks and fights a tank. Then he punches some dogs and rides in a few more trucks. Guards chase him around buildings in a comical, ‘Benny Hill Show’ manner. Eventually, Snake uncovers and destroys Metal Gear.

Snake[Into his radio] Big Boss, I have destroyed Metal Gear. Mission Accomplished.

Big BossYou asshole! I needed that!


Big BossI’m the leader of the terrorists.

SnakeBut you’re the one who sent me to destroy Metal Gear.

Big BossIt was all just part of an elaborate plot to spread misinformation. I was counting on you to fail. Didn’t you think it was weird that I sent you alone on this critical mission, armed with nothing except for a pack of cigarettes?

SnakeI figured I was supposed to trade them for weapons. Even so, wouldn’t it have made more sense to tell me to just gather info, or to steal Metal Gear, rather than to destroy it?

Big BossHmmm… yeah, that would have been better now that I think about it. I’ll have to remember that for next time.

SnakeNext time?

Big BossYes. Metal Gear is the ultimate weapon. I must build it again.

SnakeAre you serious? Trying to rebuild the “ultimate weapon” after its been destroyed never works. Didn’t you see Return of the Jedi?

Several years pass, leading up to Metal Gear 2. Big Boss builds another Metal Gear, which Snake also destroys. Then Snake kills Big Boss. We don’t know a lot of the details, though, because the game never came out in America.

Metal Gear FanboysI must find a copy of Metal Gear 2 and play it at all costs! I must know exactly what happened!

Non-Crazy GamersWait, isn’t Snake’s Revenge the sequel to Metal Gear?

Metal Gear FanboysDie heathen scum! [attacks normal, non-crazy gamers]


Prologue        Act I        Act II        Act III        Act IV
Brad Hates Games Written by:

BHG grew up in the frozen post-apocalyptic wasteland of Buffalo, NY (it’s like the old Soviet Union but more depressing), recently escaped to the (relatively) sunnier skies of Seattle, and does freelance work when writing for an unpopular blog about 20 year old video games fails to pay the bills.

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