This past Friday, I celebrated my 30th birthday, which indisputably means one thing: I’m old. Oh sure, in some walks of life, 30 isn’t really considered to be that old, but to the average gamer, I might as well have been born in the Age of Antiquity. Actually, in terms of gaming I was born in the age of antiquity — in 1978, video games were just starting their meager existence (for an awesome example of gaming from the late 70’s check out the “arcade scene” from the original Dawn of the Dead movie, which came out the same year I was born). Still not convinced that I’m ready for the retirement home? Check out this out:
- If I were a player in my own NHL 08 franchise, I wouldn’t re-sign myself when my contract ended, because I’m too old. In fact, I’d probably trade myself to get some younger players with more potential at the trade deadline.
- If I were in some professional gaming league, the announcers would probably always call me as “the 30-year-old Brad Lawrence” and refer to me as a “crafty veteran”.
- I’m now older than half of the characters in the original Street Fighter 2 were when the game was first released.
- I’m old enough to remember the real-life occurrences of the events that took place in GTA: Vice City, as well as the day President Ronnie got kidnapped by the ninjas.
- I remember when gaming was generically referred to as “Playing Atari”. Yeah that’s right — not “Playing Nintendo”…playing Atari.
- I used to go to Showbiz Pizza Place on my birthday.
- Most of the games I played at Showbiz are now available on Xbox Live Arcade.
- When I played Bubble Hockey at the arcade, instead of USA vs. Canada, it was USA vs. USSR.
- I fact, just about everything I played at the arcade was USA vs. USSR.
- I was one of the only kids in my high school with a Playstation when I graduated (Coincidentally, my class ranking plummeted that year).
- I’m old enough to admit video games probably contributed to my academic underachievement.
- I’m old enough to forgive Hillary Clinton for speaking out against GTA: San Andreas and to think maybe it’s not such a crazy idea to not sell GTA games to little kids (this is in no way an endorsement; I still strongly support an A-B-C political philosophy).
- The first Madden game I owned didn’t have a year on it. It was just called John Madden Football. Same for NHL Hockey.
- I remember when arcade games used to cost a quarter. (Conveniently, I’ve almost forgotten that Nintendo 64 games used to cost $80).
- I bought a brand-new Super Nintendo with money I made at a job.
- I’ve played the first Metroid, (non-Super) Mario Bros., Castlevania, Final Fantasy and Mega Man games when they were still new, before they had any sequels.
- I have fond memories of watching many of the players in Tecmo Super Bowl play in real life.
So there it is, 17 disturbing gaming related facts that show that I am a dinosaur in this hobby. I think I’ll go crawl into a tar pit now.