Halo: Thoughts From an Xbox n00b

I recently got an Xbox 360. Up until this point, I tended to be a single-system guy. Back a couple of years ago, I was thinking of dropping out of gaming entirely, just due to overall boredom with the hobby. So naturally, I go and buy more systems than I have ever owned previously. Makes perfect sense, right?

Shut up.

There was all this hype recently about the Halo 3 launch. I found it intriguing — kind of like the Star Wars of video gaming — nothing really that big had happened yet in gaming. To emphasize the point, G4TV shared a stat about how many hours of Live had been devoted to Halo 2 since its launch and it was something utterly ridiculous, like 16 million. Something like that’s got to be worth the time, right?

So I get both Halo and Halo 2, as I can get them from the bargain bin. I figure Gears of War and Halo 3 will be good to ask for at Christmas, since they are still full price. After all, if you can’t fleece your family, who can you fleece?

Where was I? Oh yeah…Halo. Some thoughts:

  • The spawn of Satan that designed the physics engine for driving the Warthog should be repeatedly violated with a white-hot poker. It’s so easy to turn over that I think they filled every tire and open space in the vehicle with helium. It also seems to have an aversion to maintaining contact with the asphalt. It’s a good thing Master Chief can flip an overturned vehicle; otherwise, the Warthog parts would last about as long as it takes to hit the first pebble-sized bump.
  • Decent storytelling. It is easy to see why so many people were waiting for Halo 3 to see how the campaign ended (at least, the people interviewed on G4 skewed heavily toward that reasoning).
  • The human weapons suck. What’s up with that? They have a pistol, a submachine gun, a (rare) rocket launcher with no lockon and a sniper rifle. Master Chief is 7 feet tall, weighs half a ton and can flip a car without straining. There should be a special 200 caliber semi-auto cannon that fires explosive tipped rounds in there somewhere. And where’s the heavy machine gun? I want to devastate zip codes, dammit!
  • You don’t get to use the heavy alien weapons, either. Like the fuel-rod gun used by the Hunters — I’d love to send groups of Flood zombies flying with that sucker. Isn’t over the top violence one of the reasons we play video games?

I just started Halo 2, and I see that some of the above is corrected. More later as I continue playing games most people have forgotten about. I look at it this way; I have an entire library of great games to look forward to…and I can get them cheap.

Like I said, shut up.

Kalinsias Written by:

I have been gaming since 1980. And yes, I am jaded...

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