I’m Old!

Old man sitting by the ocean

This past Friday, I celebrated my 30th birthday, which indisputably means one thing: I’m old. Oh sure, in some walks of life, 30 isn’t really considered to be that old, but to the average gamer, I might as well have been born in the Age of Antiquity. Actually, in terms of gaming I was born in the age of antiquity — in 1978, video games were just starting their meager existence (for an awesome example of gaming from the late 70’s check out the “arcade scene” from the original Dawn of the Dead movie, which came out the same year I was born). Still not convinced that I’m ready for the retirement home? Check out this out:

  1. If I were a player in my own NHL 08 franchise, I wouldn’t re-sign myself when my contract ended, because I’m too old. In fact, I’d probably trade myself to get some younger players with more potential at the trade deadline.
  2. If I were in some professional gaming league, the announcers would probably always call me as “the 30-year-old Brad Lawrence” and refer to me as a “crafty veteran”.
  3. I’m now older than half of the characters in the original Street Fighter 2 were when the game was first released.
  4. I’m old enough to remember the real-life occurrences of the events that took place in GTA: Vice City, as well as the day President Ronnie got kidnapped by the ninjas.
  5. I remember when gaming was generically referred to as “Playing Atari”. Yeah that’s right — not “Playing Nintendo”…playing Atari.
  6. I used to go to Showbiz Pizza Place on my birthday.
  7. Most of the games I played at Showbiz are now available on Xbox Live Arcade.
  8. When I played Bubble Hockey at the arcade, instead of USA vs. Canada, it was USA vs. USSR.
  9. I fact, just about everything I played at the arcade was USA vs. USSR.
  10. I was one of the only kids in my high school with a Playstation when I graduated (Coincidentally, my class ranking plummeted that year).
  11. I’m old enough to admit video games probably contributed to my academic underachievement.
  12. I’m old enough to forgive Hillary Clinton for speaking out against GTA: San Andreas and to think maybe it’s not such a crazy idea to not sell GTA games to little kids (this is in no way an endorsement; I still strongly support an A-B-C political philosophy).
  13. The first Madden game I owned didn’t have a year on it. It was just called John Madden Football. Same for NHL Hockey.
  14. I remember when arcade games used to cost a quarter. (Conveniently, I’ve almost forgotten that Nintendo 64 games used to cost $80).
  15. I bought a brand-new Super Nintendo with money I made at a job.
  16. I’ve played the first Metroid, (non-Super) Mario Bros., Castlevania, Final Fantasy and Mega Man games when they were still new, before they had any sequels.
  17. I have fond memories of watching many of the players in Tecmo Super Bowl play in real life.

So there it is, 17 disturbing gaming related facts that show that I am a dinosaur in this hobby. I think I’ll go crawl into a tar pit now.

About the author

Brad Hates Games

BHG grew up in the frozen post-apocalyptic wasteland of Buffalo, NY (it’s like the old Soviet Union but more depressing), recently escaped to the (relatively) sunnier skies of Seattle, and does freelance work when writing for an unpopular blog about 20 year old video games fails to pay the bills.

Readers Comments (8)

  1. Happy belated birfday!

    And…lollerz!

    (^o^)/

  2. If you feel so old, how do you think your gamer mother feels. I bought one of the first games of Pong!!

  3. Shoot, I forgot my mom reads the site. I take back anything I said about my grades being negatively affected by Playstation.

  4. 30 is old????

    *groan*

  5. 30 is old????

    *groan*

    And Brad was probably expecting ME to be the first one to say something like that. (-_^)

    Enjoy 30 while ya can, brother. I can definitely testify that things start to go to hell near the 40 mark. And if you have life/privacy/dream/identity-stealing children (god bless ’em), it’s exacerbated GREATLY.

  6. Being almost 30 myself I do sometimes feel like an idiot playing my DS in public. But what the hell… I still love gaming.

    Great list Brad, I remember most of those things as well…

    • Being almost 30 myself I do sometimes feel like an idiot playing my DS in public.

      I second that. Even though the DS Lite seems much less like a toy than the original model, I still feel like a complete tool using it in public.

      Having a go with the PSP in public? Not so much…at all.

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